The Hottest Guy Comes With Wheels

So the other night, I go to this networking meeting. Pierce was supposed to be there, but thats not entirely why I went. I do have my own life outside of the urge to stalk him.

Plus the fact that he didn’t reply to my DM the other day.. he’s a little bit in the doghouse. Honestly, I’d completely write him off if he wasn’t so damn attentive last I saw him… and well if he wasn’t so damn cute.

So anyway, I go. Pierce is not there. But I honestly only notice his abscense for about the first 5 minutes.

I enter and behind me in the entrance line is my old director and her beau. This is a networking thing for the geeky. I was a little shocked that she was there and that she’d heard about it. Weird.

Anyway, we get closer to the front of the line… there’s a couple in front of me.. when a loud voice from the table says “Hey Maruska! I got ya, just fill out a nametag.”

It’s my favorite hot happily-married man. So I grin at him.

“Whaaa? you know who I am?” I say jokingly while I fill out my nametag.

Well a few minutes later after checking out who all is there (aka not Pierce), my old director finds me.

“Hey, how’d you do that?”

I look at her like she’s grown a third eye as I try to jog my memory about what I might have just done.


“At the entrance, how’d you do that?” She’s looking at me as if I’m the social guru of the year.

“Oh, yeah.. I know him. No biggie. I actually know quite a few of the people here. I’m kinda geek.” I admit as I am uncomfortable with her whole “omg you’ve got the hookup” attitude… though I was a little flattered by it. She’s the Who’s Who of Independant Theatre in Austin, so it was kinda funny getting on her “respect” list for networking.

“Oh wow, I didn’t know. I just heard about these things.” She says while looking around.

I’m looking around too, but mostly for someone to motion to me and save me from what is bound to me more uncomfortable talking.

I mention to her that I need to go say “Hi” to a few people and wish her a fun evening. Then I fled.

Of course, Pierce was a no-show the entire event. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t flirting around.

Actually, I wasn’t so much flirting around as I was being flirted with. Made my head spin a little. See my little business venture is getting around I think.. or else it’s given me some kind of pheromones to attract men.

There was one gentleman I’ve met like once before. Maybe twice, but pretty sure just once. I honestly don’t know his name. He’s hot. He’s sweet. But not normally what I go for.. so not really on my radar.

But evidently I am on his. Within minutes of him seeing me, he came over and said hello. He then entrapped me into a conversation (it wasn’t torturous, pleasant really, but he obviously was not letting me just flit on by). When he was interupted by a friend of his, I turned away to see who else was interesting to talk to..

Thats when I met the hottest guy.

Seriously when I tell you this guy is hot.. I mean hot… but probably not in the way most of you are thinking.

He was well kept. Great hair. Very hot face. Hot upper body. Looked like a relaxed GQ kinda guy. But what made him hot was his communication skills. The guy could talk to you and make you feel like the only woman in the room. He also listened like every word you said was gold. Two sentences in and I already wanted to nasty things to him. Sizzling.

Weirder still.. he’s in a wheelchair. Something that normally I’d see, and check off my list of viable. But honestly, it wasn’t really noticable. In a crowd of 50 people all standing, where his face had to be butt-high at best, I didn’t really notice his chair. I simply saw a hot man. That’s how smoking hot this guy is.

There are things more important than superficiality.

By the way, I wasn’t the only girl swooning over this guy. He and I got interupted, and I left to find out if my other friends had shown up. Sure enough they had, so I did some chatting. In between conversations though, I’d go and see if hot guy was available for chatting.

He never was. Every time I went to see if he was free, he was fully surrounded by hot women. Seriously surrounded.

*le sigh*

I finished the evening having made a couple new friends, and with a few more hours of flirting under my belt.

… And with a little sadness that I didn’t get to spend more time with the hot man.


The Read Non-Date Date Kinda

So last night I got to hang out with Pierce. It wasn’t a date or a planned event. I didn’t message him “see you tonight” even though I knew he was planning on going… I am part stalker btw… because we weren’t going together or even going to meet each other. We just both happened to be going to the same place.

Now I hoped that last night would pan out so that Pierce and I could get some one on one time, but my expectations were not high.

I get there and its wall to wall people. I see one person that I “know” and he sort of knows me. Matt knows who I am by my face. I doubt he knows my name, and while this guy is salesman nice (to everyone) he more often than not tries to get away from me asap. Its like I’ve got cooties.

So I say “Hi” to Matt, he says “Hi” in return. There’s an awkward moment, and Matt flees.

I go to the bar, grab a drink, a stiff drink, and look around for other people I might know or want to get to know. The group of people is ecclectic at best. There’s locals dressed “as you are”, business types dressed accordingly with fancy suits and well coiffed hair (obviously gay or completely new to town), and a mix of ordinary well adjusted people who dressed normal for being where we were and outside in the heat.

I’m busy watching the show when Pierce walks in. He sees me, gives me a hug, and stays to chat a bit. Mostly just talking about who is here and who we know. I mention that I only know Matt and point out where he is. Shortly thereafter, Pierce excuses himself and says something about going to say Hi to Matt. To be honest, I wasn’t listening. I was trying to watch the show and heard that he was going, and tuned out.

About 20 minutes later, when the show was over, Pierce returns to me and we talk. We talk about his work and my potential work, and this thing and that thing… and politics and BP.. He may or may not have made joking references to being too busy in college trying to get laid, and I may or may not have described my bed to him with a little too much detail (hey it fit in with the conversation I swear)… and.. then Pierce excuses himself to go to the bathroom saying quite clearly that he’ll be right back.

This time.. unlike the last time we’d hung out… It wasn’t said awkwardly or like he felt I needed some kind of pathetic reassurance in order to extracate himself… this time he said it solidly as a promise of “We’re not done here.” There was no question about it.

But I also didn’t want to just sit there twiddling my thumbs waiting for him to return. I wanted to talk to a few of the performers, and took that chance to do so.. while keeping an eye on the spot where I was, watching for his return.

I barely got a few words in with a couple performers before I saw him return looking for me. (insert big grin and an inner happy dance) So I tried to catch his eye to show him where I was. He saw me talking to the performers and came and sat down a few feet away from my new position and waited. (insert swoon)

He didn’t seem irritated. He just sat and waited. Patiently. Until I finished doing what I was doing. He didn’t come over and try to horn in on the conversation or try to pull me away. He just waited. He didn’t seem impatient or signal me to hurry up. He just waited his turn, patiently.

I seriously wanted to take him home and fuck him something rotten for that. After years of my ex being grumpy and impatient and belittling whatever it was I wanted to do… and being upset with me if I didn’t do what he wanted to do and just socially been a complete pain in my ass… This was a breath of fresh air, and had we been in a relationship, Pierce would have gotten some mad crazy girl sex. Just sayin.

Left to my own devices, I probably would have prolonged my interaction with the performers quite a bit longer.. but seeing Pierce look so deliciously patient and waiting for me.. I cut out of the conversation before I would have otherwise.

Sexy intelligent man vs really cool important people who won’t remember your name tomorrow? Uh sexy man please!

So I sat down next to Pierce, and we talked some more. And talked. And talked. Though it didn’t seem like time was really passing, other than that crazy ache to kiss him and the visual of the sun setting, I’m not sure time really passed at all while we talked.

And he was sweet. Seriously sweet. At one point the sun was in my face when I would turn to talk to him, he, of his own accord, moved his head between mine and the sun blocking it completely from hitting my face. He did this without calling attention to what he was doing. He didn’t even say “is that better” like he was expecting a thank you or calling attention to his chivalry. He just did it, and seemed pleased enough that in doing so the conversation continued to flow. He held that position, moving slightly in response to any change in my position, until the sun itself had moved to a less problematic spot. (How can I not swoon?)

We got up to refresh our drinks, and he stayed with me… not like a leech, he wasn’t glued to my side.. but near me. We continue talking once we’ve gotten new drinks, and as we’re finishing our drinks, Pierce mentions that he needs to go. I agree that its probably time to go, though in all honesty I wasn’t ready to part. I had no idea what time it was, but I was pretty sure by the fact that we were the last people there that it was in fact time to go home.

“You want to walk out together?” Pierce asks.

I barely catch it and I think that’s what he said.

“Yeah, that’d be great.” I reply.

We coordinate our exit, and walk out together. As we approach every juncture where we could have parted ways, he says “I need to go (insert direction)..” with a silent hestitation implying “which direction are you?” while almost guiding me seamlessly along as we walked together.

We went part of the way to our cars together, alas there was a fork in the road where we parted ways. We hugged quickly. Said we’d had a good time.

“Until next time” he said… or maybe it was “I’ll see you around, at the next thing” ? I don’t recall.

All I know is that there is something there. It might be as simple as friendship, or it might be something more. We’ll see.

Nearly Perfect

I just got back from a lovely day. I wasn’t sure it was going to be a lovely day when it started, but luckily God laughs at my plans.

I woke this morning after a long struggle to get some kind of sleep so I could go out with some friends today. I managed to get a whole 4 hours, and upon waking drank about a liter of Passover Coke for the caffiene to actually move.

Sometime after that, things started to look up. I had some energy, and put it to good use cleaning my kitchen while making a quick lunch, then showering, and combing my closet for outfits that were “sexy” without actually looking like I tried to be sexy. I was going to a bar to watch sports with friends. Actually dressing sexy would be overdoing it, but I figured if any of them invited someone single and hot, I should at least look good.

In the end, I looked meh. Oh well. At least I was having a decent hair day.

So I get there. And.. there’s a possibly single adonis there. I didn’t ask him if he was single.. I’m merely making assumptions on the lack of ring.

The guy was hot. Not the type I normally go for.. but I’ll make exceptions. His hair was a sandy-red-blonde, and he had the air of a real manly man. You could clearly tell that he had no trouble growing a full beard if he wanted, though he was clean shaven. His body was athletically built, like a soccer player. He wore a simple t-shirt and cargo shorts, and his outfit plus persona made me think of Matthew McConaughey. He seemed like a good guy, and even made decent conversation.

But what really caught my eye, and had me … erm.. staring at him like he was a dish of ice cream.. were two things.

First, he had a fantastic way of smiling. It was like he’d reinvented it. His entire face smiled. Lips. Eyes. Cheeks. I think even his forehead smiled. It was impossible to see him smile without wishing you could be that happy. I partly watched just to see him do it again.

But mostly I watched his eyes. His eyes shone. Glimmered really. They weren’t a remarkable color. Simple hazel-green, but they looked fantastic on him. They were mesmerizing.

Honestly, thinking back on it now.. there wasn’t much that was obviously remarkable about him. His hair was ordinary colored. His skin was ordinary “irish” white boy (the white with some freckles). His eyes were ordinary colored. He was ordinarily fit. He was ordinarily dressed.

But I promise you… the whole effect of him was nothing short of smoking hot. (I say this as a girl who normally hates white boys with freckles.)

Mmmm eye candy in person while watching eye candy run about a field on TV. The day got super better instantly.

Then I ordered a beer. They had a beer I’ve never tried before.. Widmer? On tap. In an icy cold mug the size of my head. For.. $7. And it was good beer (not Bud Light or Coors Light or normal american mainstream piss water – sorry if anyone is offended, have I mentioned I’m a beer snob?) So anyway my day got awesome quickly.

Then since I was right near my favorite shopping strip, I went shopping. I came out with a shirt and skirt that I thought was going to put me back $60, however when it was rang up it came out as $25. ROCK ON!

So super awesome day.. I drive home, because I’m supposed to actually be working on a business plan today for a client meeting in two days. I’ve done nothing with the business plan, and on my way home realize that tomorrow is nearly booked solid. So I start to panic that I’m not going to get it done.

I get home. Check my email. My client emails me “Can we postpone our meeting until later in the week? I got called out of town this weekend.”

Seriously.. it couldn’t have gone any better.

(ok.. it could have.. Mr HotBod could have asked for my number or asked me out this evening for a sexy romp.. Cuz I need one. I do… but other than that.. Perfect.)

The Dreams That Disappoint

The Setup.. It’s our first date, some months in the future after we’ve managed to run into each other several times at several different events, he finally asks me out. We decide to play some mini-golf.

It’s around the second to last hole, that conversation becomes strained. Neither of us is talking which is highly unusual.

I am stressing myself out about it. I actually like that I feel relaxed enough around Pierce that I can be quiet, but I’m afraid he’ll see me as boring or worse that I’m bored with him. Finally he speaks.

“You’re being awfully quiet.” He jokes with a big smile on his face.

Its impossible not to catch his smile, and so I grin back at him.

“I’m sorry, I’m a bit preoccupied.” I try to hide the slight embarassed blush that I know is creeping along my face.

“Mini-golf isn’t that challenging, so what’s got your tongue? Is it work?” He’s genuinely concerned and wanting to help with whatever is the problem, but also seeing the blush, he’s curious.

“No no… work is fine.” I say as I hold my putter judging just where to stand and how hard to hit the ball. “I’m just preoccupied with this problem I’m trying to figure out how to solve.”

“Oh? Maybe I can help.”

I laugh, “I’m sure you can” and shoot him a look with a clear glint in my eye and mischevous smile.

“Well, tell me then.” He’s now much less concerned, and much much more curious.

“Well, see my mind is completely preoccupied with wanting to kiss you. And not quite sure how to solve it.”

He snickers slightly, “Hmm that is a problem. But I am quite sure it is solveable. Though I don’t really see much problem in it.”

“Well, see for starters, its quite impossible to do with you being over there.” I say as I adjust my stance again, pretending to be concentrating on my shot.. but if I’d have been pretending to read a book, the book would have been upside down for all the true attention I was paying to what I was doing.

Pierce then walks over to me, and stands very close in front of me. His left leg on the right side of my putter, his right leg on the left side of my putter, and my hands just barely a half inch away from his crotch as I held my putter.

I looked up at him and met his gaze. Having him so close made my pulse go all haywire. I was excited, scared, and wanting to run.. but immobile.

“There. Does that solve the problem for you then?” He said with a sly grin teasing me as his face was now just inches from mine.

“Well yes that does make it much much more possible. But I didn’t really tell you the real problem.”

“Oh?” He raised one eyebrow in curiousity.

I look into his eyes to deliver my confession, “See, what I really want is for you to kiss me..” which I barely get out before his hand moves up and lightly brushes my cheek on its way to the back of my neck. His fingers planted themselves at the back of my neck gently pulling me forward, while his thumb pressed just lightly under my jawbone to direct my face up leaving my lips easily accessible.

Then his lips possessed mine in a light caress that deepened to restrained desire.

The kiss stopped as abruptly as it began, and it affected us both equally. There was a brief moment of mutual silence as we regained our proverbial footing.

“So, did that solve the problem?” He teased playfully as he removed his hand from my neck.

“No.. not really” I replied as I let go of my putter and wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him in for another kiss. He wrapped his arms around me, and we kissed the kind of kiss that parents shield their kids from viewing. The kind of kiss that if it was feasible would allow clothes to fly off with a single thought.

This time it was I who ended the kiss abruptly. Moved my hands back to my putter, and said…

“Ok, I’m good now… Hmm you’re in a compromising position, you might want to move before I putt”

I pretended to be all about golf, and giggled when he grumbled slightly as he realized our makeout session was over.

But as our eyes met after my shot, one look confirmed.. the only thing between us and being naked.. was golf.

We quickly finished the last hole, and went to his place. We drive separately, and he’s waiting outside for me when I drive up. We embrace, kiss, and don’t really stop until we’re finally inside.

Things start to get fuzzy around this part.. but I remember running my hands down his chest and then sliding his shirt up over his head.. (and there.. hot and bothered.. it ends).

Wishfully Wrong

I may have been wrong.


It’s really hard to say because I am so very often right (really I’m not full of myself or anything), so this is completely new to me… its really hard to say.

But ..

He thought of me today.

It wasn’t one of those “Hey sweety, I was thinking of you” sort of messages. But he saw something that reminded him of a conversation we had, and sent me a link to update me on it. Aka “Saw this, thought you’d find it interesting [link to article about what we’d talked about]”

Guys.. if you really want to win a girl.. and have a relationship.. shit like that will get you everywhere.

Remembering random things that she’s said from previous conversations.. for example this particular thing was from a conversation that happened about a week ago… and giving her more information on that topic or asking her input on a link about that subject..

If she likes you at all.. she’s going to swoon. It shows that you do listen to her, but not only that.. you listened to the point that when you saw that topic again, you not only had a passing thought of her, but had a strong enough thought of her to go out of your way to tell her about the topic or inform her on something you thought she might care about based on that conversation.

So.. right now I’m swooning a bit. Ok, I’m swooning a lot.

So.. maybe I was wrong.. maybe he does like me?

Or maybe he just really happened across something, and figured as a friend I needed to know?

I’m just going to go with… he likes me. Because a little delusional hopeful thinking never hurt anyone.. right?

Plus.. I rock. How could he not?

Crazies Come Out At Night

Last night was crazy. As usual all my important events all happen to be scheduled at the same exact time.

My Flirting Group.

A huge networking event

A new writers group “sit down and write” meeting (which obviously I need)

The FED – Swing Dancing

Lets not even mention all the friend’s happy hour invites, movie invites, and other more extraneous activities. Though I suppose the FED is kinda extraneous, but I kinda absentmindedly insinuated that I’d show up this week.

I needed to go to the top 3 events. I only actually made it to two, and even that was crazy.  I went to the flirting group mostly because I wanted to reconnect with the organizer for it. One day he’s going to be a multi-millionaire, and I’ll probably still need a job. Plus we both kinda love behavioral sciences. If it was legal/possible to stick humans in jars and watch what they did… we’d be doing it… though neither of us is really a scientist. We’re just both kinda crazy.. in mostly good ways (depending on who you talk to.)

Anyway, I arrive at the Flirting group and I get to talk to the organizer a bit. He’s been trying to reconnect with me (professionally – networking.. the guy is a newly wed), so we got a good chat in while everyone else did the flirting exercises. I thought about staying and flirting myself, but honestly looking at the men present.. I figured I’d have better luck next door at the networking event.  (aka out of the 3 guys that showed up, only one of them was .. er.. acceptable appearance-wise, and he seemed about as into me as day old fish.)

However, my organizer friend did mention some kind of millionaires group in town that throws parties. Evidently its 4 men to every women, and he said I’d “clean up” there and that it’d be like shooting fish in a barrel. So I’ll be looking out for those. 😉  I mean.. millionaires for the taking? Who wouldn’t?

Then I headed over to my networking party. I walk in. Anxiety. Its wall to wall people and there’s a line to get in. They’re doing nametags, AND the people at the nametag table are writing out the name tags for the people. Meaning EVERY SINGLE PERSON is attempting to spell out their name for the person writing the name down.  WTF?

This is not how these events normally go.. so when I got to the table and the girl asked my name.. pen ready to write out my name tag.. I kinda went a little nutz (inside, I tried to hide it). I felt like I was 2 and couldn’t write my name myself, so this nice lady had to do it for me. If I could have grabbed the damn nametag from her and written it myself I would have. Instead, I asked nicely if I could write it.  She balked a bit, but handed me the nametag while telling me that the person next to her needed to also know my name to write it on the sign-in sheet. I had this strange creepy sensation as if I was suddenly not at a networking event but at some kind of military camp with alcohol.

I shook it off, and ran to find people I knew.  It wasn’t too hard as about every 5 steps I ran into someone I knew from some place or another. Said hi in my awkward.. “I have nothing interesting to say” way, and yet somehow found something to say anyway. Hopefully it was interesting whatever it was I did say, though I fear it was not.

I had a good time though.. flirting with very happily married male friends.. and attempting to find an attractive looking single male.  Which for some reason is getting harder and harder at these events, as every good looking man at these events it seems is gay. Seriously. I’m not joking.

Though I did get to see Pierce again. Now, I’ve mentioned once before that I’d kinda had a thing for him since the first time I met him, and that we flirt.. but I have no idea if he’s interested or not.  After last night, I’m going to say .. not interested.

He was looking extra fantastic though. It was like suddenly he went from the uber-geeky guy to uber-hot guy.  He had on this clingy fitted t-shirt. Normally I just assume geeky guys are rather non-muscular and well.. geeky figures..  No no.. Pierce is f’n ripped. I don’t know what kind of canned spinach he’s been eating or what kind of toxic spill he slipped into or what.. but DAAAAAAAAAAMMMN he was looking good.  I almost forgot how to talk to him as I was busy staring. I’m pretty sure my mouth fell open and dragged on the floor a couple times as well.

It is not fair. Brainy. Fun. Great personality. And f’n hot?  Sorry but I’m quite sure that’s illegal.

Anyway, towards the end of the night, I found him again (I’d done some mingling and came back) and we chatted for a while. He excused himself to use the facilities, said he’d be right back.. in a way that made it sound like he was reassuring me (soo not a good sign).. only never to return.  I did see him come out of the restroom, and look in my direction.. but he didn’t come over.

Ah well..

I found myself exhausted by that point anyway.. too much social time and too little food. I’d kinda forgotten to eat all day until right before I had to leave, in which I didn’t really have time to eat then. So I headed home to make myself a big assed plate of food.

On my way to my car though, I pass by Katz Diner. Suddenly I hear thudding on the window of the diner and two guys looking at me and waving exstaticly for me to come in.  WTF? I went in.. mostly out of curiousity about what drugs these guys were on.. but partly because I vaguely recognized one of the guy’s faces. They were both brown skinned and looked Indian.

What is with me attracting Indians?? Please someone tell me?

So I walk in. The host says, “Table for one?” and starts to grab a menu when I interupt him.

“No no.. I believe I was summoned by some strange guys that I don’t know. I’m sure I’ll be right back.” And I head into the dining room.

The host looks at me with “Oh thats what they were doing” relief and a bit of a “good luck” smile.

I get to their table, and ask “Do I know you?”

The one whose face I vague recall seeing before looks offended. The other guy is quick to invite me to sit down and introduces himself. For an Indian guy btw, the second guy is hot. He even had longish hair which I normally find revolting but on him it was fantastic.

Evidently, I’d met the first guy at one of the networking parties. Which one? I don’t recall. This is how long Indian men stay on my radar.. blip.. gone.

The guys are nice and welcoming. They try to convince me to stay and eat with them. They’re uber-sweet.. the creepy too sweet thing that it seems only Indian men can do really well to make you feel comfortable.. and yet those experienced with Indian men know that behind all that niceness is a very persistant “come home and fuck me”.  Both of them were fresh off the boat Indians, and since I had no intention of going home and fucking either one of them.. I left.

It was a funny picture though… two strange men excitedly pounding a window as I walked by in order to catch my attention.. Flattering.

Unfortunately that never happens with men I actually like.

My Meeting With The Playas

The other night I went out with Evie and a friend of hers. In all honesty, I went for the possibility of meeting someone, yet with the full expectation of being completely bored out of my mind. A group of 3 girls almost always leaves one as the third wheel, and since Evie’s friend and her were childhood friends, I fully expected to be the third wheel.

But I needed to go out, and nothing else that night sounded even remotely entertaining.

We went to a play and then the after-party. It was a small production with a small audience. It was ok. Some of the actors, you could tell were naturally talented and the rest were really trying to be. It was at least entertaining.

Then about 20 minutes from the end, I see Evie’s ex? I guess thats who he is. I can’t remember if they’d had sex or exactly what… But I do know that she’s at least seen his penis, and helped him get off. They’re “friends” now, but with Evie that could be FwB or just platonic friends. Its really hard to say.

Evie can’t go a night without a guy. During the show, she’d texted him to meet her there. So when I saw him come in.. I knew what had happened and I rolled my eyes.

It doesn’t help that I just cannot stand the guy. I avoid him like he’s got cooties. He comes off as needy and desperate. And I’ve got the feeling that any woman will do for him as long as she’s mildly attractive (not hideous), and not illegal. (I guess I should be thankful he has some standards huh?)

Plus.. from Evie, I know WAY more that I ever wanted to about his sexual interests and erm.. proclivities. If I wasn’t interested by the fact that he looks like a doofus, or by the fact that he acts like he’s only out for getting laid and desperately at that, then his sexual preferences alone would have sealed the deal for me that I wasn’t going to touch him with a 10 foot pole.

After the show was over, and while we waited for the after-party to start, I found out that Trey had brought two friends with him.

Techincally he brought one friend, who brought his friend.. but thats just me nitpicking.

So we’re standing around, and these two guys join our group. I of course wonder who they are, and Evie introduces them.

I honestly don’t remember their names. So I’m gunna make up some names.

The first one was chatty, but from the moment he opened his mouth, my lady parts shuddered and recoiled. Jessie’s voice was a little .. umm.. too high and he talked with just a slight lisp. Had he not talked about screwing women, I would have sworn he was gay. He was around my height, but with delicate bone structure. His wrists were even dainty. The thought of him having sex with a woman quite frankly made me giggle… a lot.

He talked as if he was Mr. MacDaddy which wasn’t helping the situation any. Maybe he does get all the girls. Who knows.. I just find it immensely unbelievable. To be honest, I found the idea of him and Trey being secret lovers much much more believable.

The third guy, Bill, was shy and completely did not fit with the other two. He was new to town, so I excused his judgement in friends. He had long hair and was Native American. He actually was kind of sweet, but way too young. That didn’t keep him from attempting to hit on me though. So cute, in an adorable little boy way (I know.. just the way guys hope to be seen right?), but about an hour or so later he admitted his age and he was barely legal. WAY too young for me, and thus I was right in thinking of him as a little boy.

So none of them were at all.. in any way.. potential interests of mine. This actually made the night more fun, because they ALL thought that I’d be happy to have them.

Dear Men… I am not that desperate.. and will never be that desperate.. Sorry.

So the party got started, and people started going back inside. It was hot inside. Like sauna hot. I went in to be social for a bit, but found my way outside rather quickly. The last thing I needed was to be miserable on top of this potential boredom.

A few minutes later, one guy after the other came outside as well. Soon it was myself and the three guys.

We began to talk. Jessie kept giving the youngin’ Bill some MacDaddy advice, which I would then critique and tell him how to do it better. Then Jessie saw that as a sign to out do himself. It became this challenge to show me how much of a MacDaddy he was. I couldn’t have secretly laughed at him more. At one point he said:

“I shouldn’t tell you because you’ll hate me.”

To which I replied, “If I don’t hate you by now, I’m pretty sure there’s nothing you can come up with.”

He stammered and still pretended to be all gentlemanly in refusing to divulge his scoundrel secrets in my presence.

“Ok.. by hate you.. what did you mean by that?”

Jessie turned red, and so I continued…

“If you mean by hate you, that I would no longer want to have sex with you.. let me put your mind at ease.. that ship sailed within the first minutes of meeting you. So just say what you were going to say.”

He looked at me agast, and then did his best to recover. He tried to ask what it was that turned me off, but I simply brushed him off with a “Eh, you’re not my type.” (Rather than telling him that he reminded me of some gay friends from college.) He retorted with a “Oh well at least we’re on the same page.” which made me laugh.

Yes yes… I can be a bitch, but I honestly cared not at all what this guy or his friends thought of me.

So he continues about his rules for “dating” which were quite frankly steps to have a one night stand. He did pretty much every cliche’ without actually mentioning roofies, though he did mention that getting a girl completely plowed so she’d not remember how to get back to his place later. I know.. a charmer. I of course added rules for him, and instead told him that he should just go to her place. No one can say I’m not helpful. 🙂

If I’m not interested in dating you, and I’m pretty sure you’re harmless (or at least that even the smallest woman could kick your ass), I’m more than willing to share my knowledge to help you get laid.. by someone else. 🙂 Its just how I roll.

Bill however was really enjoying the conversation and cursing that he had no way to take notes. The poor guy. In reality all Bill would have to do to get laid is to hang out with these two morons he was with, then go appologize to the girls later and state that he was new to town. He was sweet, honest, and not bad looking.. and following the wake of the other two guys, he’d look like the catch of the day.

Trey however was not liking the conversation. He instead was trying desperately to convince me that his playboy past was over (like I really believed he had a playboy past), and he was now looking for a real relationship. He was not grasping the idea that I could have cared less about what he was looking for.. I was not interested.. yet he continually tried to impress me with his “seeking a relationship” self.

When we began to discuss ages.. Trey started it by saying he was 40 (he looks maybe 34) and how 30 was the new 20 for him. The others also stated their ages, and then came my turn, which I declined. They were 19, 31, and 40.. and I just let them believe whatever age they thought I was. Generally I’m assumed to be in my late 20’s or early 30’s, so I figure they thought I was.

Then Trey began commenting on the music that was wafting outside from the party.

“I used to skate to this back in ’78”

Which we all would tease him about making himself sound ancient. Heck I’m not much younger than him, and even I thought he sounded old the things he was saying.

It was one “I’m old” statement after anouther which kept me entertained by teasing him about how old he was making himself sound and “Thats the way to win the Ladies, man.” sarcasm. I honestly don’t think he understood just exactly how off-putting his “remember when” was, or would be to younger women.. when their parents would be the ones saying those “remember whens”.

We were outside talking for a couple hours before the other two girls came out, and we all parted ways.

All in all it was a good night.. Lots of fun (for me anyway.)

My Silly Little Girl Love

I’m in love. Swooning Love. I’ve been here for a while.

It’s not real love. Ok, it might be a start at real love.. you know.. “The first time I saw him, I knew….” blah blah blah.. But basically this is mostly of my own imagination.

To be honest, the first time I saw him reading me.. I swooned. I mean really.. what is a guy like that doing reading a girl like me?

But its not all romantic dreamy.. He has his flaws. Flaws that only make him more human and lovable. His flaws are like scar wounds. Things that show where he’s been and how he’s pulled through. Things that show he knows that balance between work and play, reponsibility and irresponsibility, love and.. war.

There is nothing I’ve learned of him so far that hasn’t endeared me to him.

I mostly admire him from afar. I read him. I’ve looked at his pictures. I’ve heard his voice.

I see his IP showing that he’s read me, and I smile. It brightens my day. He comments on something I posted, and my heart does a little flitter.

But when I think about possibly meeting him.. and all the things that a real relationship entails, I start to panic at all the things that threaten to shatter this happy silly girl love.

He’s a dream of a reality that I’m not ready to experience. So I’ve not pushed things or tried to make things more than the ethereal dream they are right now. I’m not ready for this dream to end, or for reality to come crashing in.

Its my silly little girl fantasy. My hope in a box.

For now its enough, this little love from afar, flirting play we’re in. Maybe someday, I’ll be brave enough for more.

My Love-Hate Affair With Twitter And Facebook

I’m supposed to be getting married today.

Ok.. so thats a joke.. or at least I hope to hell it is. If he’s actually waiting for me in Vegas right now.. I’m SO SO sorry.. but I’m not showing up.

It was a long twitter flirting session with a nice guy and longtime Twitter friend. It started as jokingly planning to be parents together, which gave me some ideas of maybe why I scare off people that are already parents.

I threatened to make the kids run to school while I whipped them from behind (in my sports car) to hurry up. (It was to help them get better soccer/running skills, what?)

I refused to get a minivan, and instead opted to throw the kids in the “back” of a Miata. (In all those kidnapping movies, no one ever dies in the trunk.)

While completely insane jokes.. I’m pretty sure only the parents with a good sense humor (or extremely horrid parenting skills) would stick around.

On another note… I am a scared chicken. Maybe a groundhog? Or whatever else that runs and hides in its hole at the slightest signal of fear?

That would be me and social networking (& dating actually) right now.

Last week, I decided to be a little crazy and just added anyone on my Facebook suggestions who had more than 3 friends in common with me.

Funny enough, they all added me back. Sight Unseen. Never talked. No comment, no email. Just “added” and went on with their day. Totally normal Facebook.

I assume that they, like myself, assumed they’d get to know me over time by seeing my feed which would give us something to talk about.

Then there was one.  Who added me. Then found me on Twitter and added me. And then sent me this via Twitter:

“Where have you been all my life?”

Which I hoped like hell was a joke, and replied to it as a serious question.. (my way of joking back)

“Probably in the bathroom or in bed. It seems statistically thats where most people spend the most time in their lifetime.”

Ok, so it wasn’t a funny response, but it was a response.

Then he publicly asked me to clarify some personal information.  Well if any of you remember the whole debacle from a week ago.. You know that my online trust is at an all time ZERO.  This person is also a dating blogger, meaning that my trust is even lower than zero as I just don’t know him and don’t know who his friends are, alliances, or motives. To say that I crawled in my “safety hole” would be an understatement.

So I DM him. “Why” (aka why do you want to know)

He replies with a compliment, and again asking for clarification on the personal information.

I reply only to the compliment, with a “Thank you.”

He then asks me where I live, which is not a secret.. everyone by now knows I live in Austin.

“Very cool. I love it down there. Stayed at a great hotel whose name I forgot..”

To be honest, I had no idea how to reply to this. Its Austin. Hotels are pretty much hotels. There’s only one hotel here that isn’t your normal run of the mill hotel (sure there are fancy hotels and sleezy hotels, but they’re normal for fancy or sleezy).

M – “well theres lots of hotels here, but only one awesome one.. the Driskill”

Dude – “I don’t think that was it. I would def fit into austin.”

(ugh, by this time, I’m just tired of talking. I’m also still in my protective hole, so I’m not investing a lot in my responses. I just don’t trust this guy … yet. I guess.. and am not seeing the point.. so I get flippant.)

M – “then you should move here.”

Dude – “can I come visit first?”

(My head is seriously trying to spin off my neck at this point. A. He already claimed to have visited once. B. He doesn’t need my permission. C. Oh god back off… I should have just told him that I wasn’t in the mood to talk right now.. but no.. I do my normal.. lets burn this to the ground.)

M – “I dunno… did you get exiled and told not to return? if not, then I’m sure Austin would be fine with it.”

Dude – “Do you go and see music all the time and stuff??”

(a music buff.. great.. please keep proving to me this conversation is useless.. please please.)

M – “not really. not all the time. sometimes.”

Dude – “sorry my questions are kind of lame ahahah imagine what a date with me would be like!!”

(Finally dude is picking up on signals that I don’t want to talk to him. Maybe the 20 questions will end. Please please… Maybe we can actually have a conversation someday without it feeling like an inquisition?)

M – “you’re kinda scary :)”

Dude – “:-/”

M – “its ok. I’m just extremely skittish and kinda a bitch”

Dude – “awesome. you belong in nyc”

M – “lol.. i’m not that much of a bitch.. Chicago is more my style.”

He didn’t reply again. Can’t say that I blame him much.

Sadly, had I given into my inner-panic-voice I’d have just Twitter-blocked him from the moment he asked me about my personal information, and this conversation wouldn’t have happened.

Or I could have just outright told him that I don’t discuss my personal information, though that would have looked like a denial and made him ask more personal information..

Or I could have just been a bigger bitch sooner.

He’s probably a nice guy, and just wanted to get to know me better. *sigh* who knows.

I just know that my trust in meeting new people through Twitter (and Facebook actually) is severely damaged.

I used to just be a happy go-lucky girl on those. It’s really going to take me a long time to get back there.

Sail Away With Me… Not

So I went and hung out with some friends last weekend. They were all gathering at a place I think of as my “Cheers”, despite that I don’t make it down there every day and don’t know most of the staff. I just feel homey when I’m there.

The Gingerman

I honestly really needed a “Gingerman” trip anyway. It’d been a while since I’d been there, and the need for beer was strong. If the Gingerman was closer to me, I might actually have a chance of becoming that alcoholic that I keep trying and failing to be. Though I even doubt that one as I’ve a fridge with cold beer and several bottles of hard liquor that I’m always forgetting to drink. I even have my favorite vodka (Armadale) sitting right beside my computer, and like eating.. I forget to drink it.

It’s actually pretty amazing that I remember to post blog posts or even manage to get through writing a blog post. Yes, my attention span is that f’d up. Ooooo pretty…

Oh yes.. back to the Gingerman..

I arrive. Late. As usual. But not so late to miss the entire party, just enough that I’m a drink or two behind everyone else. A true alcoholic would have arrived early to drink more.. damn it..

Anyway, my friends see me and act like I’m some sort of mirage. Have I mentioned that I’ve not seen most of them in months? It takes them a minute but..

I got flack.

“Where have you been? Don’t tell me you have friends other than us!” Don lectured me jokingly as he came over to give me a big hug.

He was then followed by a couple girls that I pretend to be friends with, but in reality barely know. They’re great girls and a lot of fun .. at least while at the bar.. but I just don’t see us clicking without a beer in hand and mutual male friends to distract us. Let alone a girls-night. Call me paranoid, but I honestly think if we went to a bar just us girls to hang out.. I’d have blade marks all over my back.

But I made nice, and acted all happy to see them. It was good to see familiar faces and have people that were interested in me.. so it wasn’t an entire act I guess. They wanted to catch up on everything I’ve been doing lately… which honestly is nothing of any interest anyone.

Would you like to know about my experiment with maple syrup vs brown sugar syrup on pancakes?  Or maybe all the interesting job offers I’m getting for things that either will put me in jail or make me homicidal so I end up in jail?

So I answered their questions to the best of ability, and they drifted off to other people.

Don however stuck around. He wanted more details and wasn’t going to give up until I told him everything.  So I did. About me being sick and not wanting to socialize, about the job hunt which is going miserably, and about anything else that came to mind.

Then I saw Karl. Karl is an older gentleman. He’s normally quiet, polite, somewhat shy, a little aloof but social, and always in the best manners (reserved).  So what happened made my head spin a little.

I see Karl talking to a very hot man whom I’ve never seen before. I catch Karl out of the corner of my eye pointing in my direction and commenting to the guy next to him.

“I saw that!” I exclaim to Karl pretending to be offended/suspicious, then turn to his friend. “What is he selling you on now? Don’t trust a word of it!” I say as I smile widely.

Karl completely denies pointing as a child does who got caught eating chocolate and denies it with chocolate all over his face.

I then start to walk away to say hi to a few other people, when Karl grabs my arm.

“You can’t leave.”


“You can’t leave. You have to stay here.”

This is unlike Karl. Most times Karl just lets me flitter wherever I want. Never has he ever tried to entangle me in a conversation.

So I figured he had something to say to me.

Nope. He just wanted me to stand there next to him as he talked with the hot guy.

I of course had other plans. The guy was hot and all, but a little shorter than I like, and I’m not really that into dating right now.  So I wanted to say hi to my friends before they left.

I started to leave again..

And again Karl stopped me. It was then I realized that Karl was drunk. I’d never seen Karl drunk.. but he was.  And it was funny.

He was joking with me.. in annoying ways.. that make me laugh. His antics were also making the hot guy laugh.. though he was in fairness laughing at me and my inability to get away politely.

Finally Karl let me escape, and I went to say Hi to more of my friends.  I also learned that I do not post on Facebook very much, and that people would have been concerned that I’d died had I completely stopped posting on Facebook. Evidently, my weekly posts on Facebook have saved me from being the subject of a 911 call.

Obviously, I need to go out more often.

So I go get more beer and flirt with Mr Hot Bartender (seriously wanna try that on for size).

It was hot outside, cool inside, and everyone was standing in the middle between the outside and inside which was part hot, and part lukewarm. I’d already said my hellos, and tired of being hot, I sat myself and my cold beer down on a couch nearby where there was no one sitting.

Ah.. peace, quiet, cool drink and air conditioning…

Then the hot guy came to sit across from me to talk.

It was idle chitchat to start. How long have I know these friends.. how often do we all hang out.. etc and so on.

Then he started to tell me about himself.  About his condo downtown, and his other house in Boston.

Is it just me, or? … when a guy says that he has two residences and claims to be single… does anyone else just tune out?

It seems to be a theme with me lately. Meeting men who obviously want me to think or know they have money.

For me, all I need to know is that you’re financially stable. If you’re trying to tell me you’ve make $300k a year, you’ve obviously misjudged my priorities.  However if you’ve got big bucks, and I know it without you telling me, you’re generous without flaunting it.. I might start stalking you. Its all about the character baby.

He was a nice guy, and despite his double houses .. I might have given him a chance.. but he also really really likes boating and sailing.

Me + Water (with fish in it) is a non-starter. Not going to happen. Unless your boat is the size of a small island, don’t be trying to picture us “sailing away” any day soon.

Then people saw us sitting down and talking. Don, in his own flirting enthusiastic way, plopped down next to me in a way that can only be described accurately as an ex-boyfriend move.. and the hot guy’s eyes reacted as if “Oh you have a boyfriend”… which made me laugh. Had I not already ruled Hot guy out as a potential date, I might have been a little upset with Don.  As it was I joked around with Don, and introduced him to the hot guy.  Then one by one everyone joined the couches and conversations.

Hot guy stayed and talked with everyone for awhile. Don then ran off to another side of the bar.  Then Hot guy saw Don flirting outrageously with one of our mutual friends, and he commented.  I replied thats just Don he’s kinda the group flirt or party person.  His eyes then changed in understanding again, realizing that Don and I weren’t dating. (Silly men)

Hot guy shortly after got up for another beer. Never to be seen again.

Oh well.

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