Saying Goodbye

Tonight I said “Goodbye” to two friends.  These aren’t silly friends, or casual friends.. but good friends. People I trust, which is a rarity for me.  So its hard to see them leave.

Mich is going overseas, and Behn is moving to another state.

If I’m honest, I’ve wanted to date them both… they’re great guys… but it just never seemed to go that way.

Behn will always just be a friend. He’s awesome, but he’s superficial in what he wants in a woman. I am not within his “hot” range.. and he only likes atheists. But he’s a great friend.

I really hadn’t seen Behn in a couple months. We (Behn, Mich, Theo and I) used to all get together weekly.. then twice a month.. then once a month.. then… So its been a while.

But talking with him tonight, I remembered why I loved him and I’ve missed him. We used to sit and talk about dating.. whoahs and yeses.. We’d give each other advice, and listen to each other’s crazy stories. I can completely relax with him, a rare thing for me.

He’s actually finally in love. It was sweet to see him that way. She wasn’t there, but I’m dying to meet her.  However since he’s moving, I’m not sure it’ll last, but I hope they’ll fight for it.  He doesn’t fall easy and is extremely picky, so it’ll be sad if he truly loses her.

Mich and I have been friends longer though.. actually I’ve known Mich longer than any of them.  Mich also helped me move last year, and met my parents.. and.. got along with them.  My parents think he walks on water (an amazing feat btw).

I’ve flirted with Mich in the past, but it never seemed to go anywhere as he had a girlfriend in England for quite a while.. then when they split, he started dating some crazy chick in town for a short-term casual thing – his words since he knew he was leaving. (She looks sane, but trust me she’s crazy.)

So we’d only just been friends, and thats all I’ve ever expected.

After the farewell dinner, Mich and I went to a movie together. It wasn’t planned ahead, but he’d mentioned wanting to see the movie and I didn’t have other plans and haven’t seen a flick in the theater for ages.. so I offered to join him.

We had a little time to kill so we stopped at a bar and got a beer before heading to the Alamo. We chatted and laughed and had a good time.

Then the movie.

The entire movie he kept lightly tapping my knee or grabbing my arm to pull me closer to talk about the movie.  This alone is normal, right?

But his fingers on my knee were like bolts of electricity.

He was arguing with me that the movie did not have plot. I said it did and that he should be quiet and just go with the flow of it. He said he needed to do some kind of drugs to understand it.  I understood it fine (but then I’ve not ever really needed drugs).

But the entire time we argued.. all I wanted to do was kiss him to shut him up.

If we weren’t just friends.. and if he wasn’t taking off overseas in a few days.. I’d have jumped his bones right there. (I probably just need to get laid.)

Instead, when he tapped my knee, I pretended to be irritated and playfully tapped his knee. When he grabbed my arm, I playfully poked at his hand.

We sat there talking the entire length of the credits; we were the last to leave the theatre.

He walked me to my car.. (He’s that kind of gentleman, always) and we hugged goodbye.

It was a long hug. I even relaxed like I was letting go, and he embraced me harder. I hugged him some more.

There seems to be something there.  I don’t know what.. but something.

He seemed hesitant to call it a night, but I was freezing so we did.

*sigh* I’m going to miss them both.. dearly.

How Do You Fix Crazy?

Mac and I have been texting. Nothing huge. Nothing in depth. But enough that I am getting to know him better and haven’t found his flaw yet. (yes I am currently liking him enough that I am looking for his flaw to save myself from heartbreak, but thats for another post.)

We’ve also texted long enough that my “Crazy” is coming out.

I do my best not to show it, but when I really start to like a guy, I lose all sense of rational thought.

Dear Men… if I’ve ever pulled a “OMG she’s paranoid and jumping to conclusions” on you.. I’m about two steps from showing up at your door naked begging you to let me be your love slave. (Though that feeling usually lasts until you actually take me up on it.. then for some reason I come to my senses.)

I honestly thought I’d gotten over my marriage and divorce better than I seem to have.

Mentally (and emotionally) I’m in a significantly better place than I think I’ve ever been in my life, but I’m finding that I still need work.

There’s this one huge flaw my ex had that really did a number on me and how I interact with men I want to date. (Men friends never get to experience this, just those I want to date)

My ex was very withholding. I’m not talking just some things… but with pretty much everything. Emotionally. Socially. It didn’t matter.  If something was wrong, he’d be silent until I either needled it out of him, or guessed the problem myself.

Communicating with him was a lot of work on my part, and something I’ll never ever do again. If talking to you and you sharing with me.. isn’t easy and open.. I’m just going to walk. I just don’t have the patience in me anymore.

I hadn’t really noticed just how profoundly this had affected me until this weekend texting Mac.  There were a few instances where he’d get quiet and not reply. I began to panic and analyze.

I knew it was crazy, but I couldn’t stop my mental programming from going.

Why is he not replying? Did I say something offensive? Am I boring? Is he really just not that interested? Thats it.. he just doesn’t like me… or worse.. I’d jump to.. He hates me now probably.

I’d do my best to cover it up or word something in a way that it wasn’t screaming “Hi, I’m Maruska and I need a straight jacket.”

But he’s smart. He caught on.. and even called me on it. He didn’t seem too upset by it, and joked around.. but we all know that “insecure crazy girl” is a red light.

Sadly, I see this only being the tip of the iceberg. I can totally see myself devolving into “Where are you now?” texts and other stalker desperation.  Wanting to know where he is all the time, who he’s with..

Crazy.

I know its crazy. I hear the thoughts go through my head and I know its crazy.  So I try to ignore it.  I remind myself of who Mac is, and that so far things have been easy with him, and I’ve not completely scared him off yet.

I’m still dating around, and not taking things too seriously.. but I know crazy when I feel it.

Scared and Crazy.

I think I need a Mac-Timeout. Put my head back on straight.  Sadly.. he’s not the only man with the capability right now to push my crazy button, he’s just the one with the most immediate promise.

The thing is that I … well I think I’ve come to the conclusion that my ability to trust a man in a relationship is broken, and I’m afraid the only way to fix it will be with the patience of a good man.  I’m not entirely sure any good man on the planet is that patient.

So how do I fix it?

Why I Hate Football…

I didn’t mention it the other day… nor did I really mention this to the person who kick-started the whole train of thought which is this post.  Friday night’s conversation about why I have a deep seated loathing for football, opened up some old wounds that I had forgotten. I almost broke into tears while on the phone, and almost cried about it when I got off the phone.

It honestly shocked me this sudden emotion about something so silly as football.

So I thought about it. I have good memories of football. I have great memories of football. But I also have many many horrid memories of football.

I have never watched football for the game though. Ever.  Dear Ex’s.. no matter what I told you, I never ever watched football because I actually wanted to watch the game. Never. Not Once.

I grew up in Nebraska as most of you know by now. Its a huge football state. College Football. The NFL is for losers and douchebags (hey its how I was raised).

So most of my childhood was entire fall seasons of football games. Watching them on TV when televised (rare) or listening to the game on the radio while watching or helping my dad putter around in the garage.

One of my favorite and probably earliest memories of watching football was sitting on my grandfather’s lap in my parent’s basement. Everyone else was doing something else. Mom & Grandma were talking something boring (I was like 5, all adult talk was boring) and my sisters were doing their usual doing something beyond my young kid skills or otherwise ostracizing me.  So I went to see if I could sneak in some TV since I was bored (we were limited to 2 hours only a day and we didn’t have cable).

There was Grandpa watching the game. I knew enough to know he wouldn’t let me switch the channel, and I was not rude enough to ask. But he offered to share his easy chair with me, and let me watch the game with him. He even took the time to tell me what was happening on the screen.

I have other random memories of watching with my father and other family members. It was a social time. A bonding time. But for me, it was never about the game.

In college, one of my guy friends who I’d always wanted to date (and whom everyone else thought we were dating.. and whom ended up being gay) invited me to some Husker game parties. It was just a fun time with food, and cheering, and bonding.  But it was never about the game.

Then came my ex.

He’d gotten turned onto football a couple years earlier, and said he liked the Saints. It was the first and only team he’d ever watched live, and watched the games with his ex’s father.

I’ve always disliked the Saints. I honestly don’t give a rats-ass about most teams. Never did. I could care less if you’re a Packers or Steelers or Bears or Redskins (are those all NFL football teams?) fan. But I’ve never liked the Saints. (I’m serious.. cheering for the Saints to me is a lot like cheering for evil or poison.. I don’t know what it is.. but I just have never liked the Saints.. You know if they changed their name to the Zombies, I’d probably like them)

He said he didn’t have to watch the Saints.. he just liked football. (Total lie)

One lie lead to another really. I’m not going to say its all his fault, as I’m sure I’ve got a hand in this too.

But what he’d told me was just a one day a week thing, suddenly became 2. Then 3. Then 4.  Anytime I wanted to go somewhere, there’s a game.  It started with “I have to watch the Saint’s play” to “I have to watch everyone play because it all ties into how the Saint’s will do on…blah blah blah”

Sundays were completely wasted because there was the pre-pre-game, the pre-game, the introduction to the game, the game, the exit of the game, the post game, and the post-post game.

Combine this with being able to walk into the room wearing nothing but a piece of lingerie, and not be noticed (even during a post-game or pre-game show).. I began to really hate football.

Just the sound of the game in the background got my hackles up.

Soon regular NFL wasn’t enough. There was the sports packages, the NFL packages, the no-one-cares old NFL game packages.. and then he got into college football. He wanted to decorate the living room in Saint’s football stuff as well.

Football played 24/7 in the house. I honestly half the time didn’t know if the game he was watching was “the game” or just some rerun or not.  So I didn’t know if I should be nice and not interrupt or if I was free to interrupt. I was supposed to just “know”.. you know..

So now there’s a crapload of pain and anger about football and the good memories were drowning in it.  But I am healing.

At the start of this football season (and even before that) the mere mention of football, and I’d tense up. I’d get twinges of anxiety, anger, and hatred.

The other night on the phone, when asked about the SuperBowl, I discovered I wasn’t angry. I really hadn’t been angry when football was mentioned in weeks.. or maybe months.

I still don’t like the Saints, but I now can hear that word and the “Who Dat” without wanting to punch something.

Baby Steps.

Awesome Times Awesome Squared

My night last night..

I was running late to a birthday party that I didn’t want to go to. I just wanted a nice quiet night at home, but its an obligation that I’d never live down if I didn’t at least show.

I was trying to finish up some tasks when my friend Jack surprised me with his hidden talents at song writing… so I went to take a listen, hit play.

*ring* *ring* My phone is having one of those rare seizures indicative of someone trying to reach me by voice. A very rare thing.

I see the caller ID, smile, and panic.  I really didn’t remember giving this guy my number though I’ve had his through my own “stalking” efforts; its a happy surprise.

I answer quickly trying to make sure I answer before it goes to voicemail, while trying to turn off the blasting music from the computer. Trying to do too many things at once and being late.. and the surprise of the phone call.. I was a bundle of nerves.

I think I said “Hi”. I honestly can’t recall. Then he asks me for clarification on something private (something very few people here know.. a safety precaution) that I really really don’t recall telling him.  Not that I minded that he knew, but my mind instantly flew to… “OMG who else knows?” and “Shit, I thought I was more careful”. Some serious panic.

He assures me that I told him, and as I calm down I realize that I must have when I gave him my number. I vaguely.. with his memory jogging.. remember texting him from my phone on NYE. He never replied. (He claims a real phone call despite weeks later should make up for it.)  As I calm down, I start laughing. Seriously, I’m laughing hysterically..

He asks: “What’s so funny?”

Me: “To explain that would take more words than I have. I’m not laughing at you, but … at this.. situation”

He says: “Ah.. laughing with me..”

Sure sure.. lets just say I was laughing with you.  But since I was actually laughing at myself and my own hysterical insanity… well.. I’m thinking we were both laughing at me. Which is fine.. I was totally being laugh worthy.

I then blather on about why I have this deep seated loathing for football, which he listens to and somehow isn’t offended.

We talk, and I attempt to sound coherent. I think I succeeded. I got off the phone though feeling like a blathering idiot, a happy blathering idiot but a blathering idiot nonetheless.

I finish up my work, and head to the shower to get ready. My phone dings. Ooo a text message.

It’s Mac.

YAY!!!

Though he tells me he’s sick and miserable (poor guy), and in need of a nursemaid.

Normally, the me before I got married, would have immediately suggested that I come over to nurse him. I’d have ran to him and given up all other plans for the day in order to make him well.

I instead skirted the issue politely and flirtatiously, though later when I found out just how sick he was and that he was continuing to work as well.. I told him that someone needed to tie him to the bed and force feed him soup.

He of course was up for the “tying to the bed” part. Obviously not that sick.

We chatted a little more, before I told him I had to go shower and get ready.

I get ready.. slowly. I mean this night has gone so well so far.. it can’t possibly improve. It can only get worse. Right?

Plus its still cold in Austin. Its warm in my apt. You do the math.

But I drag myself out of the apt, and downtown.

A mutual friend of ours has arranged a fantastic “happy hour” special for us at a local bar/restaurant with a band to boot. No cover, and pretty much $1 drinks of whatever you want. My vodka was $2. Normally its $6 anywhere I go. YEAH!!

So I hang out and chat. Say hi to the Birthday girl and boy.. and do my rounds. I see Don’s there, but last time I saw him he had a girlfriend and was kinda a dud. I really didn’t feel like talking to him, and he was hanging with some cute girls I didn’t know.. so I just walked the other direction.

Don however ran over to say Hi to me. Put his arm around me and asked how I’d been.  We chatted for a while.. catching up on our lives.. the ex-gf was not mentioned.. but as chatty and friendly as he was.. it was obvious he was single again.

He soon flitted off again mingling he said. He spent most of the rest of the night with thinner hotter girls. Whatever Don. I’m no one’s backup plan.

The party however is outside without heaters of any kind. Seriously? What crack was the owner of that bar on?

So I called it a night after warming up inside and meeting a “native Austinite”. The guy was completely humorless and looked at me like I was uncouth and rude no matter what I said.  He however was slurring like a lush. In his defense, I should mention that I was totally making fun of his alcohol tongue. Come on.. it was funny. An obviously slurring 35+ yr. old well-dressed man trying to pick up a couple chicks.

Anyway, so I call it a night and decide to give in to my insane craving for Katz French Dip sandwich. Seriously they’re orgasmic.

I almost get the few blocks down the road to Katz, and my best friend calls to chat. We chat a bit and then I go eat with promises to call her back when I’m done.

No one to go with me, I enter on my own, sit alone at a table, and drool til my sandwich comes and then devour it. I thought it funny that none of that felt weird to me. It was my first time eating out.. eating out.. alone.

While I’m eating, Fred starts to text me. Fred has a habit of texting me when he’s drunk or been drinking. Usually the messages are funny in a “I want you” kind of way. He lives about 3 hours away, and has never came to Austin while I’ve been here. So I find it a little hard sometimes to take him seriously, but the messages are flattering.. and if he was closer he might make a good sex buddy. (He severely doesn’t want kids, so anything more than that is out of the question)

So.. flattered (he always says how sexy I am).. and laughing my ass off (he always says how sexy I am).. I call my best friend back and talk on my way home, and a good 2 hours after I get home.  We like to chat, and we crack each other up. The last hour of it was pretty much just solid laughter.

The last key phrase for a laughter track from us: “I don’t really judge, but man that shit is fucked up!” (yeah most people don’t get our humor either, its ok.)

It honestly was a fan-freaking-tastic evening. I couldn’t have planned it better. Awesome times Awesome squared.

You Gotta Have Balls

@Moxie In The City’s blog post today “Take the Lead” reminded me of my new post-divorce philosophy of dating.  One that I keep seeing people say is wrong, but one that I am not about to compromise much on.

In short, I want a man who is after me like I’m the last filet mignon in the world.

I am no longer settling for a guy who is just “so-so” on me, or not demonstrative of his intentions or affections.  I want to have no doubts that he’s into me.

I also want someone with a backbone. Who is not afraid to take charge, make decisions, and fight with me when needed.

Doormats and indecisives need not apply.

Sure sure, I’ll make a move to let him know that I’m attracted to him. I may reach out and give him my number unasked. I may hunt him down and give him my email or whatever.

Then the balls in his court.  I’m more than happy to wait to see what he does with those balls, and if he knows how to use them.

I’ll forgive him for muddling things up if he does.. as long as he’s showing the ability and willingness to hold the balls and use them to win me.

If all we end up doing is tossing the balls back and forth like a hot potato.. he’s much too much of a chicken to handle me.

Guys… if a girl tosses you the ball, run with it.  If you simply toss it back to her, expect her to run off or run you over.  Since I’m no longer in the market for roadkill or doormats, Imma gunna run off. Guaranteed.

On this note, I’m currently waiting to see if Mac uses the ball. I’ve emailed him, gave him my number, and even initiated the last contact.  Ball is in his court.

Better Off In Bed

I am.. Right Now.. on my way to eating an entire Amy’s Organic Vegan Chocolate Cake.

I totally deserve it.

You can argue that with me all you want.. But first, let me tell you about my day.

A week ago, I decided to plan a happy hour event for tonight. I figured it’d be a good time to do something outgoing and fun.

I called around and set up the best deal at a great place with great food at great prices.  I was excited. There wasn’t a whole lot of people RSVP’d to come but enough of the people I cared about that the low numbers didn’t bother me in the least.

I had a laundry list of things that needed done today. Bills paid, checks cashed, groceries, errands to run.  Plus shower and look hot for tonight.

I woke up today at 1pm (3 hours later than I’d planned). Dead tired. Feeling like I was ran over by a truck.

I check the RSVP’s for the happy hour and check my email .. from bed. Then I head to the bathroom to shower and get ready and sure enough I get my period.

The first days of my period are cramps, cramps and OMG kill me now cramps.

Unfortunately it was way too late to cancel.  If I took pain meds, then I couldn’t drink. A non-drinking host at a happy hour.. yeah thats a good one!  (fortunately for me my cramps weren’t too bad today.. thank God)

So I’m feeling bloated like cow, and putting on my sexiest comfy dress, and head out the door just in time to make the happy hour.  I have to leave for it extra early because its raining in Austin which makes everyone drive like a grandma. (Aka I get nothing done all day) I get drenched on my way to my car.

I get to the establishment and they don’t have the tables reserved like they said they would, so I make them quickly throw a few empty tables together.

Happy Hour goes well. I’m hanging with friends, chatting, and having fun.  The only spoiler there… I’d talked to Theo (see Women Who Hate Women post) earlier that day and asked him to come so we could catch up.  Unfortunately when he came, there wasn’t a seat near me but shortly the girl next to me left allowing him to scoot one chair over and sit next to me. However, his gf (same girl as in the earlier post) insisted that she take the seat next to me. Theo and I never got to say more than Hi. Bitch.

Other than that everything went splendid. I really had a great time.

Then I come home. I walk in the door and smell something foul.  Really foul. Like rotten food or rancid cabbage.

I go to let the dog out of her kennel to find that she’s had a major accident in it.  Luckily she’s not covered in it, but she stinks. The kennel stinks. The bed she had in it stinks (the cover of it is now in the wash on sanitize cycle). She tried to get out and wore off the fur on the top of her nose, a nice baby pink spot of hairless on her nose.

So I had to clean that up, and the poor poop-stank dog wants hugs and snuggles and forgiven.. but she stinks, and I’m not entirely sure I’ve got the energy to bathe her.

This is not my day. I’m eating cake and going to bed.

Making Sense Of Mac

So.. I should update you on my dating life… or what there is of it.

I’d been toying with the idea of online stalking Mac, and contacting him. I don’t normally (well anymore) contact men first. In the past, its always backfired on me.

But Mac is hot, and we had a really great time talking the other night at the bar.. and I got a little hopeful that he was at least interested as friends.

So, Saturday, I’m reading some blogs and run across @SingleCityGuy’s blog post about contacting men first.. don’t be shy.. kind of advice.

I figure What the hell.  If he’s interested .. great. If he’s not, then I’ll just move on. Easy peasy.

So I hunt down Mac online via the website my group uses. I have a little game of hunting because I only know his first name and I spell it wrong.

I finally locate him and shoot him a short note playfully calling him evil for getting me stuck on an iPhone game he recommended the other night.

He replies almost instantly (within an hour). I’m excited. This is a good sign, right?

Then I start reading his email:

“That is funny.  So, I am guessing that you now have my email from me responding to this”

At this point my heart hit the floor. I thought he was saying that he was reluctant to give me his email, but did because thats the way the site works if you hit reply. Then I continued reading.

“and my number is xxx-xxx-xxxx for texting emergencies or comedy.

All is well with me.  How are things with you?”

Wait… he gave me his phone number? Unprompted?

Was now gasping for air and watching the world spin as I tried to make sense of it. This was unprecedented. I had no idea how to proceed.

So I replied saying how I was, and gave him my number.

Two minutes later I get a text message from him

“Tag You’re It”

I laughed. a lot. loudly.

I texted something humorous back and we began chatting (texting).

At one point the conversation on his end just stopped. In my wonderful way of freaking out.. and it doesn’t help that I honestly think he’s out of my league… I texted him a joke about me being a conversation killer, which read in the right tone (the tone in my head) was paranoid and pathetic.

He’d gone to cook dinner as he had to work that night. (a part time job he hates but took to pass the time)  I felt like a moron, so I waited to reply.

We chatted a little more.

Sunday, no word. I wondered if he’d take initiative. So I didn’t bother messaging him.

Monday.. daylight came and went.. Nothing from him. Great. So I decided to message him and see what happened.

So I texted him a benign “How was your weekend?”

He replies right away and we do the “How are you” required chatting. He tells me about things he’s doing unprompted. Sharing bits about himself.

Its then I realize why I’m so comfortable with Mac. He’s open and honest. After years of enduring my ex who was withholding in every area, and even from the beginning made me pry to get anything out of him.. Mac is easy. I’m not left guessing much of anything.. (well except maybe where this is all going, but neither of us has the answer to that yet I don’t think.)

****

Actually, there’s a story from the last time we’d met that I’d left out accidentally. Getty had asked him about his watch. Its a sexy manly watch. It looks military and since he’s ex-military, it fits him well. He took off his watch casually and handed it to us to look at.  We were examining it and I got the bright idea to try it on.

I turned my back to him slightly so I could hide the fact that I was trying it on. I’m self-conscious about my body in certain aspects, and its been a problem with some men I’ve dated. I am not a weak woman. It actually infuriated my ex that I was for the most part stronger than him (probably he felt emasculated, but I can’t act weak all the time and I shouldn’t have to).  Anyway, so I have big wrists.. I have big hands and fingers too for a girl.. so I wanted to try on his watch to see how much slack was in it.  Aka were his wrists bigger than mine.

There was no slack. It fit perfectly. I was horrified. I tried to get it off, but I couldn’t. The latch wouldn’t budge.

Mac joked “Am I going to get my watch back? Are you two trying to steal my watch?”

I tried again for the clasp. Nothing. The watch was stuck. I was sure there was some way to get it off, but I didn’t dare keep his watch any longer to try to figure it out.

So I plopped my wrist enslaved in his watch down on the table before him. I am relatively sure I was beet red, and whimpered defeatedly.

“I’m sorry, I can’t get it off.”

I barely saw him touch the watch. The clasp released, and he had the watch off in seconds.  I was mortified and felt like an idiot. He was smiling.

****

So back to our texting. Up until now, all our texting could be “friendly.” I had no idea until last night where he possibly stood on the issue.  I knew he was new to town, so maybe he was just desperate for a friend.

Then he asks: “So what do you do for fun besides play on the iPhone and brush off online stalkers?”

“The normal stuff. Make fun of fellow bowlers, Try to steal people’s watches.”

He laughed, and I replied with a real answer.. listing a bunch of “date” type stuff that I like to do.  Not that it matters, I’m pretty sure Mac could make anything fun.

He replies with “Me? Movies (out and in), hike, work, read, sex, nap, and all of those you said.”

… wait.. did I read that right.. he put in sex? Normally alarm bells would be going off in my head that he just wanted a quick lay, but I’m trusting my impression of him that if thats what he wanted.. he could get it anywhere anytime from any random girl. But I’m pretty certain that the fact he put it in the list, is a good sign he wants to be more than friends.

So I reply “Oh I left off the reading and napping and sex. *sigh* Obviously you’re much more in touch with the fun stuff.”

Mac – “Ha ha. Your sarcasm is noticed. lol.”

Me – “Sarcasm? No no. Really. At least two of those are much more fun than my list.”

Mac – “Reading and Napping?”

Me – “Yes exactly. How’d you know? lol”

Mac – “Lucky Guess”

Me – “:)”

Mac – “I don’t really like sex. Maybe because of all the laughing that takes place.”

Mac – “Lmao”

Me – “Lmao. Lots of laughing during sex? That’s either the best sex or the worst sex in the world. Guess it depends if both are laughing or just one.”

Mac – “I am impressed that you had a response for that one”

I am not easily stumped. I can usually find a witty retort.. online or text anyway… real life interaction I’m much less skilled..

We chatted for quite a while longer.. talking about this or that.

But I’m hopeful. Hope is nice.

Do’s And Don’ts of Splitting

So I ran across this blog article today, and it set me off.  It’s all about the Do’s and Don’ts of breaking up, by Cereal Daters.

Which honestly, there are good ways and bad ways to break up. Ways to do it with the least damage to other person, and with the friendship you had somewhat still intact.

And it takes communication to do it.

This article, to me, is all that is wrong with breaking up… ok.. not all.. just some.

The article first states: “Don’t Tell Him“- which I assume is don’t tell him why you’re splitting, because not telling him you’re breaking up with him is just way too immature for words.

So let me address the “don’t give him the reasons”.. Depending on who you’re dating, reasons may or may not be needed. Some people really need them for closure. Sure leave off the stupid stuff that you know is going to light a fire (aka he leaves the seat up, his hairy ass is disgusting, or whatever) but explaining that the relationship is no longer good for you.. isn’t a bad idea. Whatever you do, make it clear that you’re moving on. Period. But do try to be nice about it, this is someone you used to care for. Treat them accordingly.

Next “Do Tell Your Homegirls” -  Do tell your friends that you’ve split. Do not however bad mouth him to them unless you can back it up. Slander and rumors are never cool. Roasting him just because you no longer want to be his girlfriend/lover will only bite you in the ass later.. not to mention makes you look petty and bitter.

“Don’t play mom” – A girlfriend should never ever play mother to a man. Sorry. However, if you’ve been together for a while, and he truly needs your help with something that only you can help with.. Help him out. If he’s making crap up like he needs you to help him change his tire, give him the number to a towing company and be done with it.  But if you’ve been together for a while, and his mother tragically dies soon after you’ve broken up and he wants you there for moral support (and you knew his family).. then be there.. platonically. No snuggling. No kissy. No pookie/sweety. If he’s throwing those kind of cards, walk out. You do need to stand your ground that its over.

“Don’t hang on to any sentimental items” – You had good times. You had bad times. No one is 100% bad 100% of the time. You’re going to have sentimental things. You’re going to grieve for the loss of those good times. Throwing away anything that reminds you of those good times seems a little overkill, but having a housefull of momentos isn’t healthy either. Pick a few good memories to keep if you’d like (especially anything of re-wearable value – aka jewelry) and pack them away some place that you’ll see them much less.

“Don’t convince yourself that you’re over-reacting” – WTF? This process should already be hashed out prior to saying goodbye. You made a choice. Stick to it. Remember your reasons for splitting. Take notes. Learn from your mistakes so you don’t do the same things in your next relationship.

“Do cut off all forms of communication” – Whoah dawgies. Do you seriously have some hate on for this guy? What did he do? Do not do this for most people that you break up with. This is only needed if the person is unhealthy to have in your life in any way.  Aka drug dealer, drug addict, bad alcoholic, criminal behavior, etc. or you’re actually afraid for your life. (or in cases where the person has gone completely nutso and is now harassing and stalking you.)

Going this extreme with someone sane and loving, is a good way to get them to bad mouth you to everyone they know. Everyone they meet in the future… thats a lot of people. A lot of potential dates.  Its a small world out there. Watch out what bridges you’re burning.

“Don’t think its okay to hang around mutual friends” – Friends are important. They will pick which side they’re on. Of course, you’re not going to be able to tell these friends all the sordid details of your breakup, save that for your own friends.  But don’t throw the mutual friends out yet.  Once the breakup is done, you may find they’re just as fun as they ever were.

I do agree with her on her last statement though..

“Do be strong… this is always easier said than done.”

My main advice for breaking up … is simple.  Be nice. Be compassionate. Listen, but be unmovable. You’ve made up your mind. Stick to it. Wavering will only cause you and them much more heartbreak.

One Ball Wonder: Multi-Tasking Life

I’ve never been good at multitasking, much to my mothers frustration. My mother is the multi-tasker of multi-taskers. Give her 600 things to do at once and she’s happy.

I’m good with one. “One… Singular sensation..” (sorry had to break into song)

I can talk while I cook dinner.. most of the time now anyway..  without burning it. I can walk and chew gum at the same time. I can eat and watch TV.  I can talk on the phone and do pretty much whatever, unless it also accesses my language faculties.

Thats about it for my multi-tasking. Everything else is doing something, then doing something else, then doing something else. Sometimes I forget to finish project A, because I’m already on project G. Actually sometimes I don’t even complete any of the projects.

This is me.

I honestly don’t know how people do it.

I get pulled to go out with friends. I get pulled to go on dates with supposedly hot men. I get pulled into working on projects. I get pulled into chatting online. Every day there is 1006 things going on at any one time.

I can do one.

If I’m really awake and with it, I can pretend to do two.

I’m dropping balls that I don’t even remember dropping, until I get that phone call, email, or text asking me “Hey, what happened to?”

*sigh*

Balls.

(on second thought, this one-ball wonder might be why I do so well at talking while driving. when my attention is needed for driving, I actually no longer hear what anyone else is saying.. unless of course they’re screaming.. and then thats just distracting.)

I’m Not PC, I Like Mac

Yesterday, I woke up in a relatively good mood. Motivated. I even applied for a job, which of course was more annoying than the job itself.

**Rant** Why in the hell does every damn employer have their own website “quiz” you have to answer to apply? Why even have a resume? You end up having to type in every freaking thang from your resume into that quiz anyway. Including supervisors names and numbers.. Which I honestly couldn’t tell you for most of my past jobs because the companies have either gone under or the damn supervisor got laid off too. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to get hired by filling out “Random Idiot” as my supervisors name. **/Rant**

After taking a nearly an hour to apply for this job, I felt like I’d climbed a mountain.

I rewarded myself by making myself a great lunch and watching some TV.. which turned out to be “Grumpy Old Men”.

Love that movie.

By the time the movie was over, I was super chipper and starting to feel like my old self again.  I got ready to run a few errands that I’d been putting off the last couple days, and as I was getting dressed I wondered what was going on that night.

I checked my calendar and sure enough my favorite group (Beer Enthusiasts) had a meeting that night.

Saturday night at my friend’s birthday party, I ran into a couple people from my social circles here in Austin. They both scolded me for not being more social, and asked where in the world I’ve been hiding.  Neither of these two are people I ran into often, but more like people that I saw maybe once every 2 months, so for them to notice I’m missing is a pretty big deal. I hadn’t realized just how anti-social I’d gotten.

So when I saw that I could make the Beer meeting, I jumped at it. I figured it was probably time to come out of hiding, and since I was in a decent mood.. all the more reason.

I arrive. I run into Evie and her man outside smoking. I say Hi then run inside to see who all else is in attendance. I see a bunch of people I don’t know, and a few that I do.

Then suddenly from across the group seated at the table furthest from where I was, I see a good-looking man exclaim “Hi”.  I waved “Hello” back since there weren’t any seats near him, and started for the nearest available seat, when I noticed next to him was Getty who then shouted and waved.

Rather than shout over everyone, (and because the guy was hot) I made my way over to that side of the table to say hello and catch up.

I knew that I’d seen the good-looking man before, but couldn’t place him right away. Once I got closer though I realized that it was Mac (previously mentioned in “Just Some Time For Fun” and “Where Does The Time Go?“). It really had been a long time no see.

So when I got over to them, I positioned myself between the two of them and asked Getty how she’d been. I was dying to talk to Mac, but I knew I had to put in some time with Getty. Getty was on a non-stop roll of chatter, and kept trying to get me to pull up a chair to sit between them.

I really did not want to spend the entire night stuck next to Getty. She likes to monopolize conversation. I’d never get to chat with anyone else if I stayed here. At one point though, she said she was insisting I sit there because Mac was hot and she wanted to give me a better chance at him.  So why did she monopolize my conversation for the first 30 minutes? Dunno.

Mac however heard us talking about chairs and that I was going to go sit across the way where there were available chairs. I was arguing with Getty saying that I could just go sit over there. No biggie. Getty however kept asking everyone around if we could snag their chairs, to which they said no. Getty would not let it go.

So Mac got up, walked across the room, picked up one of the free chairs from the other side of the way, and carried it back over for me to sit on.  I of course told him it was completely unnecessary, but thanked him profusely for doing it. (It was totally sweet and hot.)

I’m not entirely sure he did it for me to sit next to him, as much as he may have done it so that I’d be a buffer between him and Getty. Either way, I got to sit next to him.

Luckily for me, there was a girl on the other side of Getty for her to talk to.. which gave me a second of break from Getty.. allowing me to turn away from her and talk to Mac.

Mac and I talked most of the night. Catching up on what we’d been doing since we’d last met. Bitching about the bowling group that we’d met at, and anything else that came across our minds.

I’d actually forgotten how easy it was to be around him. The time passed easily with very few lulls, and relaxed. Conversation just flowed, and we laughed and talked like we’d been friends for quite a while. I was so relaxed that I just let honesty flow from my mouth not caring about his view, and he seemed the same with me.

At one point, Getty caught both of our attention by saying that she’d heard a very cute joke that day.. she insisted that we’d love it.  So she started this joke about a dwarf which was off-color and inappropriate. Neither Mac nor I laughed.

I simply told Getty when she was asking, “Do you get it?” type looks and questions..

“It was pretty offensive. Sorry.” (Marc nodded his agreement out of site of Getty)

Getty tried to explain why she thought it was funny and how she’d not picked up on its offensiveness, though she supposed it would be offensive to actual people of dwarfism. I’m not sure exactly how the conversation went, but somehow this comment from me made sense..

“I don’t really know any real life dwarves. W’s the closest I’ve ever met, but I still found it offensive.”  (W is not a dwarf, she’s just freaking short. like 4′10? she might even be shorter than that.)

Getty gasped and said I was insulting W.

“I’m not insulting her. She’s the shortest person I know. She’s fully aware that she’s short. Its not news.” (The girl is the shortest person in our circle. Obviously shortest.)

Mac then pointed out a rather attractive blonde girl about 5 ft away at the end of the table.

“Doesn’t she look like Katherine Heigel?”

“Umm sure, maybe if you add 50 lbs to Katherine Heigel.”  Like I said I was relaxed around him. As the words came out of my mouth, I realized how catty it sounded. But there was no taking them back. I didn’t really mean them catty, but honestly this girl looked exactly like Katherine Heigel after eating an entire Thanksgiving dinner by herself.

A few minutes later after a pause in the conversation, Mac turned to me.

“You’re puzzling.”

“Uh.. what?” (me confused)

“A few minutes ago, you’re deeply offended at a joke about dwarves. But when I point out the blonde, you comment about her weight.”

“I know, but I was just being honest. She’s a beautiful girl. But in comparison to Katherine Heigel.. it was an honest comment. I didn’t mean it catty.”

Really, there wasn’t any defense of myself that I could do without backpedalling into spineless.  I said what I said. I meant it.

He smiled. “I know. You said it very matter of fact. Not catty at all. Still funny.”

“I just speak truth. Deal with it.  Btw, did you notice that her teeth, mouth, and motions are like Heigel’s too? It’s weird.”

We actually pondered taking pictures of the girl and selling them to tabloids as “Katherine Heigel gets fat” pictures. She looked that close.

He kept getting text messages the entire night. One after another after another. I honestly was wondering if he had some jealous girlfriend.  After about the 4th txt, my flirtatiously curious looks started to take on a little less flirt and a little more curious, he told me who was texting.  Supposedly he has a couple friends who are going through a marital rough patch, and they both keep texting him for advice/perspective. It was a very ornate story he told which no one in the world would make up because it was so boring and who cares, but it was sweet him being there for them and not taking sides.

As the evening was drawing to a close, he started to show me apps on his iPhone. I have one too, so we were comparing cool things.  A few that he had were really cool, and so I had to download them.

We were then interrupted by some chick. I don’t know who she was. She did not introduce herself to me, and instead only talked to Mac. They did not seem to know each other. She seemed to just be wanting to meet the “Hot Guy”.  Slightly jealous from my seat on the other side of him, I calmed when I noticed they did not know each other and Mac was not acting happy about the interruption. He was nice, friendly, but the conversation was short and then he was back talking to me.

Shortly after that, everyone had left, save a few of us. Mac, some guy, and myself. The guy was standing by himself looking a little uncomfortable, and so I called him over to us.  As much as I like Mac, I hate to ignore people and make them feel like an outsider.  The guy came over. His name was Mike and thats all I found out before Mac drew me back into finishing our conversation.

Mac and Mike’s tabs came through first. My tab came through as they were signing theirs, so they both took off.

Mac never asked for my number. I assume we’re just friends. Its just nice for the ego though to have the hottest dude in the group commandeer you for conversation.